2017: The Best Worst Year

2017 was by far my hardest year. It was also the best in many ways. I was able to experience so much this past year. Some experiences are so dear, special, sacred & honestly, just once in a lifetime opportunities. Other experiences I had this year were heartbreaking, painful & traumatizing. My year was full of travel; 38 flights, 18 passport stamps, & 7 countries. In each place I learned something new about the world and about myself. Here are some things I learned in 2017 through my travels:

• SAN FRANCISCO- It's okay to do things alone. I've never been one to follow the crowd but this trip taught me that only I alone can create the life I want to live. This is so random but... I also learned not to be embarrassed to show emotion. You can read more about that HERE!
• CHICAGO- I had to go on this trip to realize how much I was going to miss my family before my mission. I almost booked a ticket home because I was so sad & mad at myself for thinking I needed a last minute trip than last minute cuddles with my mom.
• FLORIDA- Own your choices & make the best of it. I also was hospitalized for the first time in my life. I ended up having 3 ruptured ovarian cysts. After I decided to switch up my attitude, I turned that trip into a party & made some lifelong friendships.
• PROVO- Lol. Provo is only 2 hours away from my house but leaving my family changed me. I will still ugly cry if I think about it long enough. The Provo MTC was also one of the highlights of my mission. I love that place & the things I learned there.
• BARBADOS- I learned a lot about leadership here. The sister who picked me up & took me out contacting for the first time made me feel so at home. She led by example & made me feel confident. She helped me love the people, all in just a few hours. 
• SINT MAARTEN- I learned how to serve others. I discovered the beauty of serving my companion. It made me feel better & it strengthened our relationship. I also learned SO MUCH about humility. Without flipping through my journal & my planners, the first part on Sint Maarten is a blur. A happy, humid blur. I would leave the island every few weeks for exchanges with other missionaries but the majority of my time was spent in SXM. In May I became a trainer & met one of my best friends. Sister Olsen changed my life in so many ways. Although I was her trainer, she taught me so much. Probably more than I taught her haha. On the 7th of July a soccer ball changed my life haha. Dramatic... but not really. I got hit in the head with a soccer ball while we were playing a game with the locals & I got a concussion. Normally I am someone who doesn't like help. I like to do things myself & I hate putting others out. This people... is called pride hahaha. I had to rely on my companion for support but most importantly the Savior Jesus Christ. Hiking up hot hills to find people to preach the gospel to isn't easy. It's so painful with a pounding headache, but I'm grateful for the strength the Savior gave to me. He helped me with every step. I was always so tired but I felt like I had earned my pillow & that was something important to me. I didn't want to have any excuses. I wanted to do what my Father in heaven expected of me & I wanted him to feel proud. Even though it was so hard to do missionary work with that injury I met some of my favorite people during those months & built relationships with people I will love eternally. I love the people on that island. I feel at home there with them. At the beginning of September hurricane Irma came & demolished SXM. 
• GUADELOUPE & MARTINIQUE- We were on Guadeloupe for a few days before Irma, then went back to SXM, then got evacuated & went to Martinique. These islands are BEAUTIFUL! I don't speak french so that was hard but luckily I wasn't there too long.
• BARBADOS- My mind was so scattered when I first arrived. People kept showing us pictures of Sint Maarten after the hurricane & it destroyed me. I wanted to grieve but I felt like I couldn't. I felt like everyone expected me to be fine & continue working like nothing had happened. In my few weeks on Barbados I fell in love with the people there. These strangers I taught helped me heal. I'm sure a lot of that was through the spirit. The last weeks (& days) of my mission I relied so heavily on prayer & on my scriptures. I had an empty canteen that I was filling full of hope. That hope has lasted me through the last few months of this year. 
• UTAH- Home again, home again!! I freaking lost it when I came home. I was so in pain physically & emotionally. It was hard to process everything that had happened to me & it was even harder to move on. I still feel like I'm transitioning. I recently did a post on how I started to find "my happy" again. You can read it HERE! This has truly been the BEST worst year. I've learned, grown & stretched so much. I have loved like never before & my heart has been broken like never before; both in ways I would've never expected. I learned how to truly love myself & that is something I am so grateful for. 2017 was the worst because of the events that occurred but it was the best because of the hundreds of people I met & grew to love. I couldn't have done ANY of it without the people I already knew. The ones who have been there for me since the beginning. Also... you can handle WAY MORE than you think!

If you are still reading this, wow, you rock! Stay tuned for a post on my plans to make 2018 ROCKIN!!

xoxo, Lexie